Stupidity Kills

I want to feel bad for the truly stupid. I really do. But, then, what would we have to laugh at? Before you get your panties in a bunch, I'm not talking about people with learning disabilities, or any physiological reason for their stupidity. I'm talking about people who lack common sense, though deep down they know that what they are about to do will end in disaster. You know the ones. People who yell "Hold my beer and watch this"! THOSE people morons. People who are the inspiration for every single WTF warning label you've ever read.

Okay, come on! If some moron hadn't TRIED some of these idiotic things, the manufacturers wouldn't feel the need to warn us about common sense things. Right? "Remove baby before storing"...NO! I want to fold my child up inside their stroller and lock their squalling little asses in the closet! Really folks? Are we that stupid? "Do Not Use in Shower"...Why not? The shower is where I always blow dry and curl my hair! It's a little difficult, but hey, beauty isn't easy! "Warning, alcohol my intensify drowsiness and effect your ability to operate heavy machinery" on a pet med bottle. Damn. Take away all my fun! I love getting my dog drunk and giving him the keys to my tractor. It's a hoot! On a package of peanuts, "Warning, this product may contain nuts." Ya think? O.o On a cream bottle "avoid contact with eyes, ears and brain"...BRAIN??? Who the hell tried to put hemorrhoid cream on their brain? And, did they survive? God, I hope not. On an automatic shower cleaner "not a body wash".  *sigh*  "Do not iron while wearing shirt" Okay, I got a visual on that one. Someone HAD to have tried it. OUCH! I'm guessing it didn't work out.

"Never use an open flame to check fuel level." OOoooookay, I have personal experience with this one. NO, I DID NOT try this. My neighbor, years ago, had the gas man checking the lines in her kitchen while she and her family were eating breakfast. Yup, he used a lighter. Her 10 year old son ran down the road with 3rd degree burns on his feet to get help. The explosion knocked out the neighbor and burned her 10 and 5 year old sons and her 1 year old daughter. The gas man died. See? Stupidity kills.

The McDonalds lawsuit story.

The Dremel drill says it's not intended as a medical device. Again, damn. I was planning on fixing a cavity in my cats tooth later today. "If you cannot understand, or cannot read, all direction, cautions and warnings, do not use this product" Right, because if I can't read, I know exactly what that says.  How about the case of the McDonald coffee cup? They had to add a warning label because of someones stupidity. Odds are, if you order hot coffee, it's going to be what? HOT! You idiot! Ugh. And this dingbat got MILLIONS of dollars in her lawsuit.

Hey, who wants to use a microwave to dry their pets? Or children? Ohhh, me, me! And, really, I need a diagram showing me EXACTLY where on my body a hat goes. I thought butt was a good choice, but you, oh warning label, you set me straight. "Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows" But, what if someone I don't like is underneath it? "Warning: Do not use while sleeping." But, but, but..I HAVE to blow-dry my hair in my sleep. I don't want to wake up tp wet hair. :(  "1. Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning."  Ok, warning label. I'll trust you and not vacuum my campfire. "This is NOT a life saving device!!!"  <---On a LIFE RAFT! I guess we're just screwed, then. "Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly." On a costume. Tough luck, dude. Now get off the ledge. "On bottom side: “Keep Upright”. Ooops. Too late. "Warning: Remove label before placing in microwave. Moet White Star Champagne"  Who the hell nukes their champagne?

 Seriously, people, if you have done any of these things, if you NEED these labels, or if you're the REASON for these labels, DO NOT reproduce. I beg of you!