Annoying!

Very little in this world annoys me as badly as the sound of someone trying to suck the walls down his throat while he sleeps. Especially if that someone happens to be laying next to me. For nearly seven years I have thanked my lucky stars that the Hub was a silent sleeper. I've been down the date a snore-aholic rout and I didn't care for the scenery. Unless that scenery happened to be me shoving a giant anaconda down the loud mouthed gullet, or vice versa. Somewhere during this last year my lucky star burned out.

I don't know why. I don't know what changed. All I know is that my once silently sleeping Hub has suddenly started to sound like he's boiling water in the back of his throat. It started about eight months ago. As soon as I make the mistake of thinking that it's gonna be a silent night the gurgling starts.  Seriously??!! I mean, C-MON! He's hard enough to sleep next to. See, the Hub has always been a violent sleeper. I'm used to getting the shit kicked out of me all night long. I've been punched, elbowed, kneed, shoved out of bed, rolled over on top of and clawed every night for a long time. I'm almost used to it. I said almost.  I haven't quite reached the OK with getting my ass kicked on a nightly basis thing yet. I'm also not quite used to having to be grave still for fear of starting another bout of extreme sleeping championships. But, I'm getting there. Then...THIS happened. To make matters worse, in the last month he's added to whistle to the snore. He's getting louder, too. I might just be a widow before long, if this keeps up. I guess I should go ahead and get life insurance on him now. Hey, I could justify it. A jury full of housewives and I'm all good!

When I was six years old we went to Houston for my Grandpa's funeral. While we were there I got stuck sleeping in a room between my Uncle and Daddy. I say sleeping. What I mean by sleeping is desperately praying I'd suddenly go deaf. It was a lot like being lodged between a fog horn and an air raid siren...only louder. I think they literally cracked a wall. I think that might have been the night that I decided never to marry a snorer. Any time I've dated a person like that, I've honestly considered a breakup for no other reason than a peaceful nights sleep.   

The only time I've been okay with snoring was when it was my little brother making his trademark coffee percolator, half choke, half cackle ruckus. If he stopped snoring I couldn't sleep. There was good reason, though. My brother had Muscular Dystrophy. If he stopped snoring it meant there was a problem, so the sound of his trying to suck the stripes off the sheets was comforting. He got away with it. Lesson here? Unless you have a medical excuse for your snoring, a LIFE THREATENING excuse, your snoring will threaten your life.

 Actually, I will.
 Because of your snoring. 
I'm tired of being tired.

What else annoys the piss out of me? The complete and total annihilation of the English language. Seriously, people. If you grew up in America, with English as your first language, then this shouldn't be THIS much of a damn problem. Granted, our school system is lacking, but not THAT lacking.
 It's a glove compartment. COMpartment. Not DEpartment.
Please don't tell me to be more Pacific. I couldn't be more of an ocean if I tried with all my fuzzy little might. Unless I try in my dreams. Then, I might come close. I have been quite specific on this one, I think.
 No, you may NOT axe me a question. My life sucks, but, I want to live. If you ask me if you can, I might just have to axe you. I think I'd quite enjoy that.
What are you posed to do? I don't know. I didn't know we were supposed to vogue. You have fun with that.
Manilla  envelope. MANilla. Not VANILLA. 
And, please, for the love of all that's good and holy, don't tell me what people "be all like"! That nerves me to no end. "They be like that. They be all like.."  Dude, shut up. Just...shut up.
Oh, one of my favorites, doh! Who are you? Homer Simpson? "For real, doh." Again, shut it before I shove a doughnut in your uneducated head hole.
 Or, "You so silly!" "You so crazy" etc. You're, folks. You're! As in YOU frelling ARE! Ebonics is NOT a language!
 And the number one killer of my sanity...there is only ONE U in nuclear! It's not nucular. That is not a damned word. It's not! I promise! I'm fully prepared to launch a mushroom cloud at the next person I hear add too effing many U's.

I have this weird little pet peeve for tags sticking out of the backs of shirts. It's annoying, but, nothing to go nucular over. Cigarette butts in plates of food is, however.  So is dirty mop water, food in the sink, trash one foot away from the trash can, on the floor next to the can, overflowing trash cans, toilet paper and paper towels set down next to the holder instead of ON the damn thing, gangta rap, death metal, wind in my face, my own hair, spitters, rude people, yappy dogs, stupidity, unruly children...wait, this one deserves further exploration.

By unruly children, I do NOT mean kids whose parents are actually trying to control them. Nor do I mean toddlers or just past toddling age children who are going ballistic over something they want in the grocery store while an exasperated mom or dad struggles to maintain composure and not just throttle the little shit stain right then and there. I'm talking about those children who chose Dudley Dursley as a role model. Those little fucktards. The ones who have parents who should be sterilized immediately, before they have the chance to create more little monstrosities. These parents either give the little brats everything, absolutely EVERYTHING the little assholes scream that they want, or they spend so much time hiding from or tuning out their little beast because parenting them is "just too hard" that the brats have learned that they ARE God. Every little kid goes through an asshole phase. It's life. It happens. These kids don't go through the phase. They're taught to be that way. THOSE are the bratty ass kids that annoy me. Their idiot parents annoy me even more. 

Actually, I seem to have a lot of pet peeves. This must be why I stay away from people....