I Have a Fear of Fear...

I do. *shudder*

Everyone is afraid of something. Those who say the aren't are full of it. Take a 500+ pound professional wrestler who happens to have acrophobia to the top of a 45 story building and shove him out on a scaffold, I promise you'd see him cry like a 2 year girl old with a skinned knee. Seriously, try it if you don't believe me. And, if you don't have thanatophobia, because I also promise, that wrestler will kill your ass once you let him back in! I've personally heard grown men with arachnophobia scream like shrieking little female tweens at a midnight Twilight release.We've all heard of people suffering from aquaphobia, agoraphobia, ophidiophobia, astraphobia, trypanophobia, pteromerhanophobia, mysophobia, cynophobia, social phobia, homophobia and scores more!  These are common. What about the not so common?

Did you know that there are people out there afraid of knuckle crackers? I mean, I cringe when I hear someone pop the fingers, but, I'm not afraid of it!  How about being afraid an inanimate object will come to life and kill you? I can see this one with those creepy ass clown dolls. But, a chair, not so much. I do kind of giggle when I try to imagine it. Fear of bunnies! Ok, to all of the Anya's out there, I am SO sorry. You're missing out. Fear of snails...don't worry, you can outrun them. It's all good. Fear of complex highway systems. Do not come to Houston. Ever. Fear of traffic cones. If I ever met someone with a fear of traffic cones, I would probably sing Orange Barrels non freaking stop! Ok, that's my a*holey side coming out. Sorry....No, I'm really not. Do you remember the show Fear Factor? How do you think they would have handled a fear of elephants? I don't imagine letting one crawl all over a contestant would be in the realm of possibilities. I mean, not unless they wanted a pachyderm sized lawsuit! I really think that fear of food is a ploy. Some genius kid came up with that. "But mom, I can't eat my broccoli, carrots, turnips, cabbage, green beans, liver, onions, because I'm terrified of it! I'll have nightmares and keep you up all night."  I'm guessing fear of 1000 Island Dressing is probably more of a fear of wondering what the hell you're eating. Here's some odd ones. Fear that horror movie characters will come to life and get you. Ok, I can see that. I mean, Freddy Kruger. Seriously. Fear of bank tellers? What the...WHY? Fear of people dressed in bunny costumes. I think I just sprayed Sprite through my nose. Ow, ow, ow...REALLY? Fear of Snoop Dogg. I don't even know what to say to that. Why would you be afraid of him? He's just "laid back". Fear of KFC. I can see that one, too, if you're a chicken! <See what I did there? Fear of bathrooms. Dude, life must SUCK for those people! Fear of beeps. Ok, ok a friend is actually afraid of that sound. Beeping anything drives her buggy, but, smoke detectors win first prize. Right beside vacuum cleaners and garbage disposals. Fear of foreheads. Ok, let's mull this one over a bit. A person with this fear must also live in fear of mirrors, touching their own face and other people. I mean, we all have foreheads, right?

It just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Someone out there is afraid of eyeballs. Can you imagine a day with them? I'd be afraid they'd try to jab me in the eye with a sharpened spoon. Or a spork. Fear of objects sticking out of the water. Can you say, shark? Fear of being sucked down a toilet!! Never call this person a turd. Fear of toilet paper. Now there's a person I never want to meet. Unless they shower a lot! Fear of a Flux in the Time-Space Continuum. < Watches way too much SciFi. Actually, here's a better explanation " This fear may best be explained in the following example:  Joe was about to cross the a residential street.  Now, although there were currently no cars driving by, there have been in the past and will be in the future.  He becomes uncertain that it's really NOW now, considering that, as he crosses, past or future events could present themselves and he might be hit.  This has been the Submitters fear since about age 10.  I really have nothing to compare to this one."
I wonder if they're afraid of Tribbles? Fear of cannibal Siamese twins?? Again I say, WTF?? Fear of ghost cows. I feel your fear. They haunt McDonald's. Last week I heard a kid saying they saw dead hamburgers. Fear of being drowned by peacocks. Well, it would be a colorful death, at least. Fear that evil midgets are spying on you. Shhh...they are. I saw them. 

All things considered, I feel better about my fears now. They aren't that weird after all. I'm terrified of drowning, being suffocated (in any manor, including from a stopped up nose), spider, bridges, cockroaches and maggots. Yes, I said maggots *gag, shudder*. 

What are you afraid of?