Fun with Insomnia

This is my first attempt, done on a phone that wishes me great ill. Be gentle.

 How can something so light be so damn heavy? Little miss Coraline is as light as a feather when leaping & creeping about the house on her little cat feet. But, let that little wench get comfortable on top of your covers & you can't help but wonder if she ate an anvil for dinner. Miss heavyweight champ of the bed has her fuzzy arse planted right in the middle of my back, grooming with gusto, while I'm doing my best to sleep. Is this likely to happen? Nooooooo! But, hey, I'm a glutton for punishment. I try anyway. After I few jabs & pokes I resort to flat out shoving her off the bed. LITERALLY 3 seconds later, she's already comfy, on my feet, rattling the bed grooming again. OK, I give. The bladder says so. So I survive kitty labyrinth (there are only TWO of you. How are you everyfreakingwhere?) with only minor injuries & one squashed cat head. Poor cuddles. 

It's dark. I want no light. It's late & I'm tired. Screw the light. I'm an idiot. I'd forgotten about Gwin. Gwin who doesn't wake gracefully. Rather, he leaps up, launching himself into a rather spectacular display of ferret acrobatics. ACK! OK, OK, I'M AWAKE! He made me pee myself. Good thing I was in the right place for it. Does his startle assault stop at frightening me into beginning my tinkle business? Oh, no. He needs to stop it, too. How? TOES! TOESTOESTOES! Do you have any idea how hard it is to pee with a stretch rat nomnomnoming on your feet? 

 Now, 15 minutes have passed, I've survived cats & ferret. It's dogs turn. Puddles. Puddles who is the equivalent of a canine Walter in 20 years. Grouchy old man/dog is pissed because he's locked inside. Grouchy old man/dog is telling me ALLLLLL about it. From directly beneath me (he's downstairs) is a sound I can only describe as make Hulk Hogan huff helium, then turn his head & cough. That's a Puddles bark. At 4am. I'm ignoring this one. This time. 

Back in bed with only a few extra cuts & bangs, cats are both squashed against me, vigorously grooming. The hubs takes a turn. Elbow between the shoulder blades. Get that moved, kick to the shin. Kick back. Then, mother of all that's holy, he added something new. Groaning. Maybe it was a moan, but who cares, it's annoying. Whistlesnore, kick, groan, repeat. Fun times, fun times! And THIS was a calm night!

 I loves insomnia :/