Call Me Cougar ONE MORE FRELLING TIME!

One thing that annoys me above all others, being called the C word. No. not THAT C word, though I hate that too. It's being called a damn cougar. Why? Well, I'm still trying to work that out myself. I think it's mostly because of the social connotations connected with that word. People hear that word and instantly picture some old barfly in a tight dress, with too much makeup and a martini, trolling for young idiots to bed. That aint me. I don't usually wear makeup. XD No, seriously, it annoys the piss out of me. And I hear it ALL the damn time. Haha, you're sooo witty. Let's see if you can find the wit on the end of my baseball bat. Maybe you should learn a little bit about how I ended up with a man 13 years younger than me before you pass judgment! It's NOT what you think. I didn't chase him. Hell, until tonight, I didn't even realize when he started chasing me!

The Hub spinning fire poi

Ok, I moved back to Texas from Oklahoma at the rear end of 2005, after a horrific marriage to a complete freak who turned out to be an awesome con artist, junkie, sloth, useless piece of space wasting trash. <-- Can you feel the love? Yeah, I couldn't either. So, I escaped and came back home. I took a side job working for a carnival, where I met the hub...again. As it turns out, our families have been attached to each other our entire lives. Surprise surprise. He was working for them too. It was quick cash. A small group of us started hanging out, killing time. One night, I was getting ready for an SCA event, which involved a weekend of camping. I invited the hub and his best friend to join. They left to get camping gear, but only one returned. The hub. He had never heard of the SCA, but I had already taught him to spin Poi, and he had natural talent. Of course his interest was piqued.

Ok, I'm blind as a damn bat. And, to be honest. I'd never actually seen his face. Behind the hat, glasses and mustache, he was a blur to me. We're on our way to the event, we've stopped at a gas station, and there he finds a Feodora that he really likes. I got it for him. Hey, it was cheap. Spawn number 2 comes over to me and starts raving about how he looks like Johnny Depp. I'm like "Huh?" Truly confused. Until...Until I turned around and bumped into him, literally BUMPED into him. That was the first time I actually saw him. "Crap. He's hot. Dammit." But, I'm still not thinking anything along the lines of romance. I'm thinking about the throng of Scadian girls I'll have to protect him from. They're rabid!

The Armand's. Baron Armand De Lacey and Baron Armand Dragonetti

Baron Armand Dragonetti

 

Anyway, we get to the event, and of course he's lost. He's in a totally new world and doesn't understand the hierarchy yet. So I'm guiding him every step of the way, and he's attached to my hip. Until tonight, i thought that was because he was in a new environment and trying to learn. I have earned my AOA, am the Monarch of a household, and have been in for years. I knew people. So I blew his mind by introducing him to The King, and several of my Favorite Barons and Dukes. His mind was BLOWN! Later that day we discovered the need for an ice run. He decided to ride to the store with me. He did the craziest cartoon impressions most of the way there. On the way back, we jammed to the radio, and ended up singing a duet to Picture. Ah, shit. I'm having FUN with this guy. The next night, after a day of watching the fighting and bardic competitions,  he got to spin poi before a rather large crowd, passed the mead bottle around and learn to play tablero.

Now, we were camping at a site that is notorious for flooding, and of course, it was raining. I had a bed off the ground. I offered it to some newbies, doing my household duties. Now, it's COLD AS FLOCK, and I've left myself without a bed. I had spent the previous night patrolling our campsite in the rain, making sure everyone stayed safe and dry. I was tired, and a wee bit drunk. The Hub is sitting in a camp chair, being the innocent bystander to a tablero game, and I'm standing beside him, wrapped up in uber cloak. Not kidding. I made this cloak myself. NO ONE could get cold in this thing. The next thing I know, I'm being pulled into his lap, and he's wrapping his arms around me to keep us both warm...or so I thought. Of course the 2 tablero players chuckle. It's pushing 3a.m. and I'm tired as can be, but, again, have nowhere to sleep. So he drags me into his tent, which somehow was the ONLY tent that didn't flood, and says he'll share his teeny weeny cot. I'm not sure how this is gonna work, but, low and behold, it does. After drifting off a million times and waking up closer and closer together, he finally bit the bullet and chanced a kiss.

The rest, is history. 2 years later, we were married.

Have we had problems? Of course we have. Some have been serious enough to nearly end in divorce. But, they didn't. We struggled through, and came out stronger. Do we want to choke the living hell out of each other on a regular basis? Damn Skippy! But, let me tell you a little secret. My track record has SUCKED in a monumental way. There are precious few men in my past that were worth anything at all. Mostly I've dated, or married, the Websters definition of a loser. Not just losers. Abusive mega dickheads with violent tempers, drug problems, fidelity issues...you know. Real Mr. Rights. I've suffered the worst of the worst. This one hasn't even attempted to treat me the way the men in my past have. THEY were my age or older. THEY were useless. He has his flaws, but he AINT THEM!

Now the thing that caught me off guard tonight. As it turns out, he had been interested in me for months before the SCA event. But he thought that I was secretly spoken for. He thought that since there was another (3 actually) man pursuing me, that I would go that way, well, one of those ways, since they were all my age or older. At least, that's what he told me when I asked him why he never acted on his feelings, or even hinted. He said he didn't think he stood a chance. Later, he got to know me a little better and realized that 2 of those "men" barely qualified as human to me, and I wouldn't go near them with a space suit on.

We joke about it amongst ourselves. He calls me a "cradle robber" and I call him a "grave robber". But that's us. We're allowed. It's random assholes who know nothing about us that piss me off. So, if you meet a woman who is older than her husband, maybe you should think twice before calling her a cougar. If she's anything like me, she might be tempted to show you the real deal. Uncaged.