Attack of the Fifty Foot Drama Troll

C'mon, we all know one. That one person in your life that tries to troll you at every available opportunity. I don't mean the funny "I got you good!" trolling, either. I'm talking about the DRAMA TROLL! He/She attacks you in public, thinking that they're making you look like a fool, when they're really just showing their ass to the world.

Today's drama troll seems to favor Facebook. You've been there. You're having a quasi good day, listening to happy music or playing a game, chatting with a friend or two (or ten or twenty) when in comes some random rude remark. This is an obvious attempt at character assassination. You're having a nice discussion about how pretty the roses your husband got you for your birthday are when you see a comment pop up that looks something like: "You need to stop neglecting your duties!"  What the hell? Where did that come from? This can get a bit annoying when it happens on almost a daily basis. There is a plus side to the drama trolls persistence, however. Their constant need to show you as the villain and themselves as the martyr gives anyone who can see these trolled posts a view into their real personalities. So, if you have a drama troll, take heart! You're friends will soon see them for what they are, and if you're lucky, they'll start reporting the troll as an abusive bully. God, I love the report button on Facebook! I've only used it once or twice, but my friends have been using the hell out of it lately! Troll THAT!

Don't feed the troll! If you do have a drama troll and you're getting sick of the constant attacks, you can ask them politely to stop. If they don't, BLOCK. IF blocking isn't an option, report. Or, just wait for others to get sick of it and take care of the report thing. But, for the love of God, don't feed them! If you take the troll bait and bite, you will find yourself in the middle of a word war that you can never win. They'll continue on and on, forever and ever, amen. If, however, you find the resolve to just ignore or delete the rude comment, they might just go away. You can have one or two bitchy remarks, or you can have an entire thread worth and an argument that ruins your whole day on your hands. That's what your troll wants, you know. Upsetting you makes them happy. They win. How do you win? Learn to shut the hell up and find your happy place. It isn't always easy, but, it can be done!

Those random attacks mean that you've pissed them off with your post. How? Well, it's usually the same. One thing a drama troll can't tolerate is happiness in others. Especially if the happy person is someone they can't stand, for whatever reason. Just by being in a good mood you are pissing your troll off. The key is to try to stay in a good mood even after they've attacked. I've found the Taylor Swift video for "Mean" to be especially uplifting. It fits my troll, and many others out there, to a T! If your troll gets you down, just go watch the "Mean" video and laugh! See, these particular types of drama trolls are miserable people. They are sad, hateful, spiteful, mean, vindictive and/or pathetic. Take your pick. They may fit one or all of those words. Either way, the troll puts their misery off onto you. In her/his mind, it's all your fault, even if you have absolutely nothing to do with it. If your troll is single, "forever alone", in an unhappy marriage or going through a divorce and they see you saying something about how happy your spouse makes you, you can expect it to set them off. Suddenly, you are a worthless bitch who doesn't deserve to live. Why? Because you're happier than they are!

The worst of the lot are the trolls who blame you for every little thing that has ever gone wrong in their entire lives. Those are usually personally acquainted, and know your flaws or weak spots. They will use them, too. This particular troll will snark at you when you are at your best in an attempt to bring you down, usually by bringing up a flaw. The thinking is that if what they are saying has even a grain of truth to it, then they are suddenly the hero for showing your friends who "you really are". Most of the time they will exaggerate their "Truth" or just flat out lie, though. The flaw is that all they've accomplished is showing your friends who THEY (THE TROLL) really are. You're best defense? Don't have secrets, or don't try to cover your flaws. Be honest about who you are and let them flounder. Eminem did it best in 8 Mile. Follow his example. If the people who matter to you already know all about you, then your troll can't really do any damage to you, other than ruin your mood. The smart people among us know that only the pathetic loser will kick you when you're down, or pick on a person they see as weaker. It doesn't mean you are weaker. Actually, it shows that they are the weakest link. The loser falls back on spite and meanness to make themselves feel better. I almost want to feel sorry for them. Almost. Not quite.

Trolls who cause drama by vague booking, or starting crap on their own pages a hardly worth a mention. They're so easy to deal with, it's almost sad. Just ignore them. You know, full well, that those posts are only a cry for attention. Just don't feed them. Admittedly, it can be hard to let such stupidity slide. You are strong. I have faith in you. You can do it!

I guess it all comes down to you. We all have trolls. Sick, sad, mean creatures who will probably be mean forever. How you deal with your troll is what matters. So, "don't feed them" and "find your happy place" is the best advice I can give. Now, if I can just follow my own advice...